I learned this the hard way. I spent years gripping onto pain like it was a lifeline—like somehow, holding onto the hurt would make it all make sense. I replayed memories in my head, dissected conversations, and wondered what I could have done differently. I kept waiting for an apology that never came, for closure that was just an illusion.
But one day, I realized something. Life was passing me by while I was drowning in my own pain.
The Weight We Carry
Have you ever carried something so heavy for so long that you forgot what it felt like to be free? That’s what holding onto pain feels like. It becomes a part of you, shaping how you see yourself and the world.
For me, it started with heartbreak. Not just romantic heartbreak, but the kind that comes from friendships that fell apart, family members who let me down, and moments where I felt invisible. I told myself that if I held onto the pain, I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. But all I was doing was keeping my wounds open.
And here’s the truth—holding onto what hurts you does not protect you. It only keeps you trapped.
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
“I can’t let go.”
“They don’t deserve my forgiveness.”
“If I forget, it means it didn’t matter.”
I told myself these things over and over, as if repeating them would make them true. But the only thing that was true was that I was stuck.
We convince ourselves that letting go means weakness. That if we release the pain, we’re allowing people to walk all over us. But letting go isn’t about them—it’s about us. It’s about refusing to let someone else’s actions control our happiness.
The Moment It Clicked
One evening, I sat alone in my room, staring at the ceiling. The weight of everything I had been carrying finally became unbearable. I thought about all the moments I had wasted being angry, sad, and resentful. I thought about how much of my life I had given away to people who had hurt me—people who had already moved on, while I was still stuck in the past.
And then, it hit me: I was the one keeping myself in pain.
Not them. Not the past. Not the memories. Me.
That night, I made a promise to myself. I would not let pain be my identity. I would not let what broke me define me.
Learning to Let Go
Letting go isn’t easy. It’s not a switch you flip. It’s a process, and some days are harder than others.
For me, it started with small steps.
- I stopped replaying painful moments in my head.
- I stopped checking their social media, looking for signs that they cared.
- I stopped telling myself that I was unworthy of love and happiness.
- I started focusing on what I wanted, instead of what had been taken from me.
I learned that healing doesn’t mean pretending the pain never existed. It means choosing not to let it control you anymore.
The Freedom of Moving Forward
There’s something beautiful about letting go. It doesn’t mean you forget. It doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt. It just means you choose yourself over your pain.
I wish I had known sooner how much lighter life could feel when you stop carrying things that were never meant for you. The past is a place to learn from, not to live in.
If you’re reading this and you feel trapped by your own pain, I want you to know something: You deserve peace. You deserve a life that is not defined by what hurts you.
Life is too short to hold onto what breaks you. Let go. Set yourself free.